Updated: Jan 31, 2020
How do you describe yourself? What do you say or think when you look at yourself in the mirror? What are your thoughts when you make a mistake?
The words that you use to answer these questions can be described as "Self Talk". Self-talk is so important in shaping the way you perceive yourself, the world around you, and how others see you. Your self talk shapes your energy and your confidence, not to mention it is what you are attracting into your life. Words and thought carry a vibration, and depending on the energy behind the word it can create a positive or negative impact. Self-talk is the vibration you are expressing to the world. When using lower vibrational words or criticizing ourselves to harshly, our energy is low which will attract low vibrational experiences in.
Self-talk can be described as "the act or practice of talking to oneself, either aloud or silently and mentally" (dictionary.com). Self-talk is a psychological term and is an area of focus for some psychologists in therapy because retraining self-talk can increase the quality of life of a person and boost confidence. I am not a psychologist, and I encourage anyone who feels as though they need to seek professional help to do so, but I felt that I should share my experience with retraining my self talk in hopes that I might help a few people find their way back to loving themselves. If you are interested in learning more about self-talk there are many great YouTube videos, articles and books on the subject and I encourage you to check them out!
Unfortunately, negative self-talk is something I witness everyday in many places and seems to be something our society perpetuates. People don’t even realize the amount they are being subconsciously programed through their own words and the media. There is a lot of reverse programming that needs to be done to heal the damage that has been caused from the way our society is built. We have set up categories for people and everyone is supposed to fit a certain mold, if you don’t fit perfectly into one of these societal ideals there seems to be a strong message that you need to change or conform. I find that a lot of "empowering" campaigns for the various groups are still not providing a positive message, there are still hidden undertones of negativity, but this is a topic for another day. I just want to encourage you to step back and notice what story is truly being hardwired into your mind through flashy packaged words and decide if its a story you truly need to have imprinted on your energy. Words, emotions, and thoughts make imprints on our souls and can impact other people without us consciously trying to. It is so important for the good of yourself and this planet that we all retrain our self-talk to create a positive impression. We need to train the words that are coming out of your mouths to reflect ourselves as the beautiful creations we truly are, we are not our physical bodies third dimensional reality stereo types make us see.
I was in a lot of really unhealthy relationships and for me to try and justify the poor treatment I would talk down to myself until I felt worse than scum, usually at this point my heart was sitting in my stomach and I could barely lift my head up. Why did I do this? It was my weird coping mechanism, and it was easy to pull from outside perspectives that told me these awful words were true. Cosmetic companies told me I needed to wear a mask to be naturally beautiful, Instagram told me that if I wasn’t a vegan I was a terrible person, movies told me that a guy can treat me like shit if I am convinced we have a fairy tale romance because relationships are supposed to be dramatic and abusive, and everywhere I look, you should work out so you can have a nice booty - men only like women with big butts. If you do the same, stop and realize that’s NOT okay, and please realize that you are exactly perfect and its time for some self- reflection and positive change.
My self-talk sounds extreme but many in my life have similar habits, some they are not even aware of. For instance joking about being an asshole or calling yourself a bitch is negative self-talk in my opinion. You may not know that you are programming yourself in a negative way because you are desensitized to most negative words. They way they talk in the media creates the guidelines of our language; it dictates what we find amusing and creates popular language. Bitch is now become a term of endearment, but it still contains the vibration of its original purpose; to bring feminine beings down, and previously to that, a word meaning female dog, this is a pretty inaccurate word for someone you love, a goddess. Even saying "oh no you’re crazy" when someone gives you a compliment, is negative self-talk, so stop drop and roll, accept the compliment, and shhhh just say thank you. Taking compliments that you don’t agree with can sometimes feel like swallowing fire but that will change. Over time and through practice you will be able to take the compliments and there will even come a point when these kind words will ring true for you because you are just as amazing, just as perfect and just as divine as spirit.
Changing the way you communicate can be tough and sometimes uncomfortable. I found this to be true when talking to people I used to connect with, and realizing that I couldn’t continue to have the same conversations I used to. My self-talk changed me and changed the way I looked at the world. I know I used to be a lot funnier to those people, and probably more fun too. I am not as crude and obnoxious as I once was, so people look at my funny when I don’t respond in the same way as I once did. I can’t connect with them the same because we are on different vibrational levels, and that is perfectly fine. Everyone is on his or her own path, my path was to make this change in a time when other people my age weren’t changing the same way I was. This is all okay with me, I changed for the better and I am happier because I love myself, I love myself because I speak to myself with love.
I have been working on retraining my self-talk for a few years and I am still working on it today. Some days are easier than others and I do slip up but the main purpose of positive self-talk, is to acknowledge that we are human and that we wont always be perfect. When I slip up I recognize that I am speaking in a negative way and replace the negative with positive words or thoughts. Another thing I do in these situations is something Doreen Virtue teaches, I say or think, "cancel clear delete" and swat the negative energy out of my aura. This could take a while to become a part of your routine, but practice until the it becomes primary nature, you will need to pay attention and learn to catch yourself in these moments of love lack and restate what you think of with love.
Below I have made a list of tools I have used to retrain my self-talk, if you have some please share!
1. When sitting finding yourself in thought or in meditation take a moment recognize your thoughts, are the loving? Which ones are negative? Which ones carry anger or sadness? Which are lies? Be honest with yourself, if they are negative, ask yourself why are you thinking this way? What made you originally think this about yourself? Spend time finding these roots and in your minds eye burn them with violet flame. Know that this pain will be resolved and the lessons will remain. This will begin the process of breaking this habit of negative thoughts about yourself.
2. Make a list of the words that you use that are un-loving and replace them with words of love. Even words that limit your potential, or condescend your dreams, replace all of them with loving language! Keep this list with you so you can look at it when you’re feeling low or need a new word to insert into your language.
3. Think before you speak this will only take a few seconds if you are going to say something hurtful about yourself don’t, instead replace it with the love words you wrote down earlier.
4. When you slip up correct it. This is bound to happen here and there, when you say I’m dumb, stop and say NO you’re not, you’re the smartest, you go girl/boy! Woot!
5. Treat yourself like your best friend or mother you wouldn’t let anyone say anything rude to your mother or bestie, so why should you say that about yourself hmmmm?
6. Say, “I love you” to and compliment yourself DAILY. Just do it, don’t feel stupid. In every reflection you see say I love you (insert name here), you look amaaaazing today as always.
7. Watch YouTube videos to learn other techniques for self-love. Personally I love Ralph Smart’s Infinite water videos, Teal Swan and Doreen Virtue. Check them out!
8. Recognize that these words are only your ego. Your heart and soul never think bad about you, only love is real the ego is trying to keep you down, tell your ego to F off.
9. Every morning I say 3 things I am grateful for. This will help to put you in a more loving mood right from the start, positive self talk and other positive changes are easier when you're happy!
10. Write a list of all the wonderful things about yourself. There are plenty so feel free to add to it as you go. Look at it everyday and especially when you are getting down on yourself or someone makes you feel less than perfect.
11. Catch your friends in negative self-talk, when they say something bad about themselves call them on it. I often make my friends say 3 nice things about themselves for every negative statement.
You are all so BEAUTIFUL!!!! THANK YOU for being here.
Peace, light, & love to all!